ridiculous premise #76
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"We'll leave in twenty minutes, if that's acceptable."

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Iomedae nods. " - I'm sorry. About the inconvenience. It's just that Asmodeus could also think of having a priest of Nethys resurrect us." Probably if He did that He'd have just pretended to be Aroden's priesthood in Oppara which had to partner with Nethys's for the resurrection due to some magical reason Iomedae and Alfirin didn't know enough to object to, instead of pretending Iomedae is a god and that Asmodeus rules the Empire, but. 

 

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"I'm glad you're checking."

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If he's really a paladin then she's already sure of her answer but. Absalom. 

 

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About twenty minutes later, the wizard has been found and they are all teleported to Absalom. It's…not as big as New York. More kinds of person, though.

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It smells horrible. There is a slave market. Iomedae hates it instantly.

 

She will forge bravely onwards and strike up conversations with random shop owners about the state of the world these days. She doesn't actually initially ask them very many questions. She's kind of hoping that someone will go ahead and tell her what to think without her asking ...

...now that she thinks that through, it's stupid. She asks questions. Where they're from, why they're here, what sells best, what one should look for in a husband, which gods favor Absalom, which gods have ascended here, what one should do if one's father is a mean drunk, what one should do if one is with child and unmarried, which afterlife they want, why.

 

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This man was born in Absalom, and has always lived here; This one emigrated from Taldor and is considering moving back; These three are refugees from Galt. This catfolk came from Amurristan with her parents after the war, but she was only this big at the time and doesn't remember anywhere else.

These people all live here, these ones are sailors whose ship is in, this one's hoping to study at the Arcanamirium.

Silks, wine, cod, mount spells, knee-high boots with too many buckles.

All the ascended gods favor Absalom, of course. Also Abadar. Also Sarenrae, and Pharasma, and Shelyn, and... some people will just go on to list every god that they don't find personally distasteful and then some. The gods that ascended here are Aroden and Norgorber and Cayden Cailean and Iomedae.

If one's father is a mean drunk, one should get away from the house when he's in his cups/burn all the liquor/no definitely do not do that/hit him back harder.

If one is with child and unmarried one should ask her grandmother for help instead of random strangers/give the child to a temple/get married quickly, obviously/oh you poor thing, here, I can set you up with a remedy/raise the child, of course/go to a priestess of Callistria/go become a priestess of Callistria.

People want to go to Nirvana (To finally get a chance to rest and not work for a living) and Heaven (My father is in Heaven, and his father, and his father; because I don't want to turn into a fox or something; It's just the best one, isn't it?) or Axis (What can I say, I like the city life) and Elysium (I have endured the city life for forty years, when I'm dead I want something different) and "wherever my wife went".

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She also reads. Slowly, haltingly, not very well; her Taldane literacy hasn't been exercised in five years of her time and the language has gone off and changed. 

 

The history books seem to mostly agree with Lastwall on major points such as Iomedae: a Lawful Good god and Aroden: dead and Cheliax: ruled by Hell. Iomedae cannot find any good complaints about her god-self except that her god-self abandoned the revolution in Galt. She asks Cansellarion about that. 

 

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"The Goddess had many priorities in this world, and only limited ability to intervene. The revolution in Galt also had - after the initial stages - a lot of particularly vicious infighting I think it made it a place where She was very constrained in doing right by everyone who asked for Her help, more so than usual."

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Alfirin, for her part, asks different people different questions. And then she and Iomedae can compare at the end. Alfirin tries in Hallit, and in Taldane, and then a bit in Spanish to see if it's a trick where they're using magic for the languages - If it is they're clever enough because the shopkeeper can't understand Spanish at all. Some of them do speak Hallit though. She doesn't know if they speak Hallit anywhere in Cheliax so it doesn't mean very much.

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Iomedae would like to buy a scroll of Sending, which lets people speak even to those in Heaven, and use it to ask her father if one ought to help the church of Iomedae conquer the world. Hypothetically.

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…Lastwall should probably be paying them. Cansellarion can buy her the scroll and Lastwall will pay him back and take it out of whatever the Abadarans conclude they should be paying Iomedae and Alfirin.  Which… now that he thinks about it might be a lot.

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If Lastwall is paying them a lot, Alfirin would kind of like to buy a spellbook, if that's a thing you can buy?

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Can Abadarans be paid to swear that claims like "Lastwall is a Lawful Good state that has not started a lot of wars" and "the high priest of Nethys doesn't generally do resurrections for infernal Cheliax" and "it sure appears even to advanced magical inspection that Cansellarion is a paladin" and "paladins are not allowed to lie" are true?

 

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Yes, they can be paid to do that and Alfirin can buy a spellbook if she can find one, he doesn't know where to find one.

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…and that they are actual bona fide priests of Abadar. She wants them to swear to that too.

 

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Cansellarion pays the Abadarans. The priest casts his special Abadaran truth spell on himself and swears to all that.

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Iomedae can't actually think of anything else. She's pretty sure if she had realized this was a problem she was going to have she'd have been able to. But. She and Alfirin will compare notes, in English. "- I think at the point where they could fake all of this they would have easier ways to get us to tell them things."

 

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"That's probably true. I've heard stories about magic that just makes people do whatever the wizard wants, and I bet it's not harder than teleporting."

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"- so, are you ready to teach them how to make guns? It's all right if you're not. We didn't promise we would even if all this was convincing."

 

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"I think I'm not ready but mostly because - if we teach them today and then realize tomorrow why that was a mistake it's hard to fix. And that's just going to keep being true every day - maybe we should still wait a day or two, though, because one day really isn't that much time and we could have missed something obvious to check -"

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"And if we tell them we're not ready and they take it badly that's - also good to know. All right. Not yet." Probably tomorrow but they won't say it.  

 

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"While we're in Absalom I want to try to find a spellbook for sale though. I know it's not - the most useful thing I could be doing, it's not - special - anymore, but I want it anyways. And they say they're paying us."

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"I think it's a good thing if you can do your own magic. It makes you harder to trick. And - you like it and you're good at it. Of course you should get a spellbook. If they sell them."

 

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