ridiculous premise #76
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"We'll share a suite," says Iomedae. "- also we do not eat meat if you torture the animals a lot. Cows are fine because they are harder to torture and one person cannot eat all that much of a cow."

 

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One suite, then. "We do not torture animals. Why would anybody do - Why would anybody outside Nidal do that? Does Earth have a Nidal?"

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"They learned you can make meat very inexpensive if you breed the animals to not die if raised as cripples in very small cages," says Iomedae. "You should probably consult with your gods before you do that. It does make meat very cheap but I am worried it is Evil."

 

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"It seems possibly Evil," Jan agrees. "We'll have someone ask Erastil if it ever seems like a possibility, He'd answer and asking Him questions is usually not a waste of resources that could be better spent elsewhere."

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Iomedae would in principle be kind of curious about that claim which seems to implicitly contain some other ones but she is too tired to be curious. She wants food, and a bed, and a hug. In her imagination of how this would happen, Aroden sent a vision to her father as he was important enough he could pay for an important priest to confirm the vision was real, and he was there when they woke up. Also she was dressed. Also everyone was very proud of them and praised their cleverness. Also Aroden wasn't dead. 

 

"Thank you," she says to the President/Emperor, and after that hopefully she can just go where she is told.

 

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They are told a place to go, and brought food which contains meat, though in smaller proportions than in the meat-containing foods they are used to, and then left alone.

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Alfirin hugs Iomedae as soon as the door closes. "It makes sense that they brought the President and their Secretary of Magic to listen but it was really scary trying to - teach a bunch of adults, including a president and a cabinet member."

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Iomedae hugs her back, very fiercely. She usually remembers that she is very strong but she seems to be forgetting right this second. "It was so so scary. I hadn't - thought about that part - I guess it felt like everything scary was leading up to that, and at the point where the gods have said we knew enough we'd already won - you did a very good job -"

 

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Being hugged like this is in fact very comforting so Alfirin puts up with it for a bit before she interrupts Iomedae with "Oxygen!"

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"Thanks. I wish - I don't know what I wish. That we weren't too late to find my brothers and sisters I guess. That Aroden weren't dead. I'm so sorry He's dead." She hugs Iomedae tighter.

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"- I'm really upset that He's dead," Iomedae admits after a bit. "I know that it will still be good and help a lot of people, but - He would've been so proud of us, and He's the person who explained - that you ought to do it, if you could - 

- and this is very silly but I think His church would've been more pleased with us. These people don't really seem very pleased, just - is that what I'm like as a person -"

 

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"They really don't - it's not what you're like at all, you told me I did a very good job when I really wasn't sure - I think you did a good job too - I think you're great and your, um, original copy? made a country that - everyone important wears army uniforms, it's like some kind of military dictatorship - so I'm not sure I like Her very much at all." Alfirin's probably being faintly ridiculous in how sure she is that she's got the better of the two Iomedaes, when the other one went on to become a god, but the other one never brought all of America's science knowledge to Golarion, so there.

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"That's exactly it, I couldn't put my finger on it but you're right. It's a military dictatorship. And not one that - I mean, not one that opened with ‘we know this looks really bad but actually it's the only way to stop Asmodeus who is ruling half the Empire'. What do you suppose they mean that they choose their President on merit."

 

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"They said 'on merit, not by blood' and sounded a little smug about it so - I don't know. The president names a successor? Their top generals vote for one of their number to be president? Their priests do? Some so-called 'impartial panel of experts'? Maybe the god Iomedae picks. I bet military dictatorships don't look as bad if everyone else is still doing monarchy - real monarchy, not queen-of-england monarchy."

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"I guess maybe if no one has ever tried democracy you do some kind of ‘we choose a successor through deliberation' thing and if it doesn't break down into civil wars as often as Taldor you feel very pleased with yourself. That doesn't explain the all being very grim and cold but I do feel kind of silly being mad that people weren't being more flattering - if we'd been Raised in Oppara I expect there'd have been plenty of praise but who knows how much of it real-"

 

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"...A military dictatorship doesn't really seem like the kind of place that'd let you leave, if you decided you wanted to, or let you not teach them how to make nuclear bombs, if you didn't think they should have nuclear bombs and they thought they should."

 

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"It really doesn't - we could ask to leave, and see if they let us. I think we shouldn't mention nuclear bombs any more, even here." They could probably kill themselves again, right now, but not with any expectation that there'd be anyone better than Lastwall interested in raising them again.

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Iomedae nods. "I think the god Iomedae would have made sure we made it to people who were real enemies of Asmodeus. But I don't know enough about the god Iomedae to guess if She would have made sure we made it to people who would treat us fairly, or who it would be a good idea for us to trust… I guess now that I think about it I didn't know those things about Aroden either - I don't think paladins can betray people even in a complicated way, it feels like the kind of thing you'd fall for if you took advice from some time travellers meant for beating the Nazis and then used it to fight communism in Vietnam or something, but Sir Cansellarion was the only paladin in that room -"

 

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"He's the only one who said he was a paladin - He might not have been the only one, I bet most of them were wizards, but the President looked like he might be a very grumpy paladin. I assume grumpiness is allowed."

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"None of them were Evil at least…unless there's a way to hide it. I have the intuition that paladins ought to fall for complicatedly betraying people who help them and no intuition that they ought to fall for being incredibly grumpy."

 

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"You'd think he'd be more cheerful but maybe as President he doesn't know very much about iron furnaces and lathes and doesn't understand why it's all so important - that might be part of it, I tried to explain and you tried to explain but maybe it doesn't work, saying it with words, and we'd have to show them America before they understand why it's such a big deal and are impressed with us."

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"Or even if some of the wizards understood, maybe they felt like they had to match the mood of the President, and if he wasn't jumping for joy then nor would they, so as long as he doesn't see anything to be cheerful about it'll feel like none of them understand. You could do an illusion, in the morning, and show them Costco and satellite imagery and the space shuttle and Times Square -"

 

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"I can't. I don't have the spellbook anymore, and I never figured out how to hang a spell without it - Maybe one of their wizards will share. Also illusions aren't very good - maybe it's just that I'm comparing them in my head to photographs and video. Maybe an illusion of those will do it."

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"You'd really think that even if one ran a military dictatorship and wasn't Arodenite at all and didn't care about curing the plague and tuberculosis and smallpox or making food cheap or letting all people talk to each other, one would get cheerful about guns. I guess we'll see if that's what happens with the President."

 

 

 


 

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"It's good stuff. I'm just not sure how much of it we'll be able to do secretly, and it's of a lot less use if our enemies can do it too."

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