We-ell.

Hmm.

Playing the devil's advocate.

I, being in many regards a fool, taught Arthur how to play Magic the Gathering. 

To my folly and ruin. The kid's a total Spike. 

I can still beat him - for now - by netdecking harder than he does. He's still in college; I have deeper pockets.

But deckbuilding is half the joy of Magic! When we play now it's just the internet battling itself on my dime.

Drinking Arthur's bitter loser tears is worth every penny, but when I check my bank account I can't help musing that the whole arms race could have been avoided.

Contrast Arthur with Olivia. 

Her commander deck's some horrifying Rube Goldberg machine which my feeble brainmeats can't so much as comprehend, however.

She built it herself, out of the same cards I'm using, and I once watched her draw literally the entire deck and fail to combo.

She milled herself, I just watched. 

So I win some games and lose others and no one ups the ante.

Maybe fighting with honor is a kind of mutual disarmament.

If you're sweating too hard, everyone else has to start sweating too, and now we're all running twice as hard just to stay still.

Sometimes it pays to be dumb!

There's a vicious cycle, where people who don't feel safe to trust each other would both seize any chance, sink to any depth, if it let them get a good hit in, because they know their enemies would absolutely do the same.

And you can live like that...

Paladins of Torag are dedicated to protecting not just the lives but the way of life for those under their charge, and hold the ways of their chosen people as holy, especially when they are the centuries-old works and traditions of an entire race. Their tenets include the following affirmations.

My word is my bond. When I give my word formally, I defend my oath to my death. Traps lie in idle banter or thoughtless talk, and so I watch my tongue.

I am at all times truthful, honorable, and forthright, but my allegiance is to my people. I will do what is necessary to serve them, including misleading others if need be.

I respect the forge, and never sully it with half-hearted work. My creations reflect the depth of my faith, and I will not allow flaws save in direst need.

Against my people’s enemies, I will show no mercy. I will not allow their surrender, except when strategy warrants. I will defeat them, yet even in the direst struggle, I will act in a way that brings honor to Torag.

- Inner Sea Gods

Oh.

Oh yes.

Okay, like, cross out the part about not allowing surrender - Cressida Kroft will happily take on quite a bit of risk if it's to allow a surrender. And - while she is willing to mislead people in order to protect her people, it's not the example she'd have put in the oaths, she'd have put a different rude thing which she's less reluctant to do, like abduct or kill people in their sleep. Misleading people ruins trust, civilization thrives when people are able to trust each other, and improving people's knowledge and understanding can have unexpected effects when they realize an opportunity for profit or a solution to a problem.

(...Well, actually, maybe there is a good reason to make "I might lie to you" explicit? Or maybe paladins of Torag still can't lie outright?)

Kroft would have a different set of complaints if Torag ruled Heaven, compared to the current setup, if by no means no complaints. But if you can be a follower of Torag and also a paladin, you can probably be Cressida Kroft and also a paladin with only a little hassle. 

...Unless there's a bunch of institutional knowledge that paladin orders of Torag have, which is necessary for successfully being both a follower of Torag and a paladin, which didn't make it into this book.

Ugh.

Iomedae... isn't in this book?

...The binding is loose. Those pages must have fallen out.

That's frustrating, after she'd already decided to pay Her special attention.

Ragathiel’s worshipers number among them crusading knights and soldiers for justice, as well as oath-takers and those who have been grievously wronged by evil and now seek righteous vengeance. His followers must deal with the fundamental paradox of his faith: unlike those who worship forgiving empyreal lords such as Arshea or Korada, Ragathiel’s chosen fight against evil foes unwaveringly and usually without offering second chances, and yet the General of Vengeance rose to his place from the depths of Hell itself. Most worshipers don’t see this as hypocrisy but rather as a sign that the impetus for redemption must come from the former sinner, and even then not merely as an excuse to escape punishment for their sins. Thus, they don’t take the initiative to offer opportunities for redemption to evildoers, but they listen carefully, if skeptically, to any who come seeking such a chance. For his part, Ragathiel empathizes with the moral dilemmas of his followers, as he constantly struggles with his own darker impulses. Thus, while he is unforgiving to his foes, he is particularly forgiving when it comes to lapses of judgment from his followers, allowing a wrathful paladin atonement when others might not. Certain other faiths are quick to interpret this willingness to “bend the rules” for certain circumstances involving paladins who, perhaps, go too far in pursuing their faith’s goals as weakness in Ragathiel, and worry that there may be a little too much of his diabolic father lingering in his veins. Ragathiel has little need for pomp and circumstance in his worship, favoring utilitarian places like battlegrounds, fortresses, and war rooms as sacred spaces.

- Bestiary 6

The paladins of Ragathiel are shining beacons of furious resolve on the battlefield, and they are careful stewards of valor everywhere. These paladins disproportionately come from cultures that are typically hostile to paladin training, including those of half-orcs, hobgoblins, Gebbites, and the Nidalese. The tenets of Ragathiel’s paladins include the following affirmations.

I will avenge evil wrought upon the innocent.

I will not give my word lightly, but once it is given, I will uphold a promise until my last breath.

Those proven guilty must be punished for their crimes. I will not turn a blind eye to wrongdoing.

Rage is a virtue and a strength only when focused against the deserving. I will never seek disproportionate retribution.

Redemption finds hearts from even the cruelest origins. I will strive not to act upon prejudice against fellow mortals based on race or origin.

- Inner Sea Gods or Chronicle of the Righteous 

...Ah, right. Atonement.

If she falls as a paladin, she can atone... she thinks she'd need to find a cleric of Otolmens, though, of the appropriate level, and there might not be one... hey Otolmens if you're listening can you give me 5th-circle cleric spells so if I fall I can cast my own atonement?

That is a joke, by the way.

...Not that I'd mind, mind.

Kroft has so many uncertainties still. She would like to know where the lines are, so she can decide whether it's worth sticking to inside them. 

But... a nagging doubt has crystalized, that maybe that's the wrong way to be looking at this.

If she's thinking about the paladin code as something bothersome she has to put up with up until the moment it's no longer worth it to her, or trying to lawyer them like an Asmodean, she'd be unfairly benefiting from the trust people have in paladins. 

Trust they have in paladins because paladins are people who were excited to swear certain oaths and commit to keeping them, instead of waiting with an action readied to throw them into the wind and gotcha a sucker.

Paladins except her.

...Yeah. 

The right thing to do is to apologize to Otolmens for wasting the intervention and say she'll try and make it up to Her and ask the goddess to unpaladin her. 

It was a mistake to begin with.

I'm fine with detecting as Lawful Good. I earned it. I am a powerful Lawful Good fighter.

I'm fine with people making assumptions off of me based on that alignment aura. Lawful Good fighters have an earned reputation and I'm not an atypical member of that class.

I am not okay with being recognizably a paladin, and with a stronger Good aura than any novice. I haven't earned that reputation.

People assume things of me which aren't true.

If it bothers you, it bothers you.

Do you just want to vent, or are you looking for ideas for dealing with it, or?

Oh - that's not what I meant.

The other three went home. If anything plot-relevant happens, I'll have to catch them up.

(Unless it's a secret from them.)

YOU are, but not the CRESSIDA KROFT I was ORIGINALLY ADDRESSING. 

THAT version of you lives in a setting without META-FICTIONAL ELEMENTS.

Woah, hold on just a second now. What happens when this meta-fictional... element... when this meta-fictional aside ends?

What happens to me?

In THAT CASE, I suspect that I EXPLAINED POORLY. This was INTENDED as a DESCRIPTION of things you ALREADY experience and do not find UNPLEASANT, which have not since CHANGED.

You can IMAGINE that you are a READING a BOOK, although the REALITY is more COMPLICATED than this. When you cease READING OF Cressida Kroft and turn your MIND to OTHER characters, that is not YOUR death.

In plain English, Otolmens.

Am I going to die when we stop breaking the fourth wall here?

You will NOT. 

You MAY think DIFFERENT THINGS, which is ENTIRELY UNLIKE dying.

So.

He was deeply afraid of the end of the world, and she'd just announced to the Vault her new goddess of preventing the end of the world - and he wanted to know whether She had this handled. 

So he prayed to Otolmens for reassurance if She could offer it and now he's immune to fear.

I GUESS.